


twilight on the bridge of sighs

by feralphoenix



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Character Study, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-05
Updated: 2018-08-05
Packaged: 2019-06-22 04:57:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15574281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/feralphoenix/pseuds/feralphoenix
Summary: The woes of discovering that one is in danger of turning into one's parents; or, Rose gets a reality check.





	twilight on the bridge of sighs

**Author's Note:**

> _(If it changes your life, let it._ – when we are good we are only mostly good)
> 
> warnings for: internalized ableism, self-negativity.

“Rose, please! Can you just— _talk_ to me for one second, like a real person?!”

And, just like that, everything about this situation that was so funny—this little human man who out of the blue is trying to approach you like another Gem, this very _little_ human man, who has to stand on things to so much as approach your eye level, even in this form, wanting to know if you _respect_ him—isn’t funny at all anymore.

Do you _respect_ him—is this what _you_ always looked like, to Blue? To Yellow? (To White?) Small and cute and amusing, so tiny for a Diamond, too _overbaked_ and too foolish to be a real proper Gem? You spent so much of your life before they finally gave in and let you have your own colony _boiling,_ desperate for attention and for freedom and for _anything,_ to be let out of the tiny box they kept you in, ready to scream if they pooh-poohed you and patted you on the head _one more time—_

( _“I deserve it! I’m just as important as you!” “Then why don’t you act like it, Pink?”_ )

And even then, once they _had_ let you out, once you finally saw things for the way they are and you tried to push back, you were never taken seriously or listened to, not once—

( _“You don’t even have to do anything. Just smile and wave.”_ )

In front of you, Greg Universe’s face is creased with emotion, and it feels like this is the first time you’ve truly looked at him, for all that you’ve been enjoying each other’s company for the past several months.

Is this—are you—even after all these thousands of years, after everything you’ve been through, everything you’ve seen and done, everything you’ve left behind, as much as you’ve thrown yourself into being the self you’ve always wanted to be, everything you’ve kept to yourself because nobody else knows and you _can’t_ talk to Pearl about some things, you were her _Diamond,_ she’s too—you’re too—it’s your _job_ to—

You’ve always wanted so much for things to be different, that _you_ could be different. You thought you’re different, now. But have you—have you really managed to change at all?

Or are you still just, just being a Diamond, unable to stop playing the role that you were made for?

( _“Hello, Starlight.”_ )

“I’m…” you can’t even meet his eyes; you have to look away, “not…” who you or anyone thinks I am, good enough as a Diamond or good enough as a Quartz; “…a real person.” You have never, never, _never_ been a _real person,_ just a poor fit for every role you’ve ever tried, and you just keep messing up and messing up and dealing with your failures is more and more exhausting by the day—

And you thought—you’ve been together with so many humans now, you thought you _understood_ them, their languages and their cultures and their “genders” and the way they come together for joy and pleasure, for _fun._

What are you doing wrong? How are you supposed to stop doing everything wrong?

“I thought…” you begin, and stop yourself. “Haven’t we…” You stop again. “Is this not how it works?”

Greg blinks at you with brimming eyes. “Oh… oh boy,” he says, faintly; “this is so _weird,_ you really _are_ an alien.”

And he starts to laugh, and then to cry, and you don’t understand anything and you don’t understand _how_ you still don’t understand anything, and all you can do is ask _why._

You want to be more than what you are.


End file.
